Be wary, however, of a common danger in this final step of the grieving process to which Christians are particularly vulnerable. That is forgiving without emotional integrity. It happens when the Christian quite sincerely declares, "I see the past now, and acknowledge what happened" (Step on of the grieving process). "I turn it over to God and forgive it" (last step). "There. That's done. The book is closed."

That jump from the first step to the last is a dandy bypass around the painful parts of the grieving process. Although it sounds scriptural and is certainly spiritually well-intended, it won't work. The pain has not been dealt with. The infected wound deep inside has not been cleansed, a very real and apt allusion.

The grief process is built into us, which is reason enough to suggest that it is the way God planned for us to deal with loss, emotional turmoil, and pain. When we abort that process, we end up forgiving (and no doubt quite sincerely) in an atmosphere of emotional dishonesty. Even though we voice forgiveness, there remains a deep reservoir of anger and resentment. The forgiveness lacks the integrity of reflecting all the facets of being human.

-Love is a choice